Keep it simple, silly

Wednesday, April 07, 2004

The feelings I experience when she is on my mind, in my heart, are the feelings I want to experience for all humanity. And in a sense they are, for when I feel these things I feel them for all humanity. It is beautiful and there is no way I could think ill of the world at a time like this.

And yet I have come to accept that this will never amount to any more than a beautiful friendship, and then I ask myself what more could I want. I have come to the conclusion that almost every man who crosses her path must feel the same way about her, so that helps me put things in perspective. I have fallen in love, yes, but this doesn’t have to mean any more than that. I don’t expect the same from her – how could I? She naturally attracts people, that is what she does, it is her talent. I am but one of the many people who have come into her life and been enriched in the process. I am a very lucky man. And she has welcomed me warmly, taken me on board, and that makes me luckier still.

There was a time, not too long ago, when this would have been debilitating for me. But now it is liberating. Now I am flying, I am in a special space and I can only hope that I can revisit it when she’s gone. If all I have to do is think of her then it would be simple, but memories fade and life moves on, and who know, maybe there will be little left but these words in only a few months time.

But maybe, if I’m lucky (and that is, after all, how I feel right now), maybe something is being opened in me now and maybe that something will stay with me long after our paths part.

I certainly hope so.


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