Keep it simple, silly

Wednesday, April 28, 2004

The most beautiful woman in the world has not responded to my advances. Maybe she gets them all the time, maybe I have scared her with them, maybe I floored her with them, maybe she hasn’t even read them. But she hasn’t responded.

I would like to say I’m upset. I was. About half an hour ago. But I’m better now. All this does is confirm the cards: I have a mission, a job to do, and it is my job, my role, and something I need to follow through on regardless of an other. I have given too much credence to a feeling, been carried away by it, and in the process left myself behind somewhere. A long way behind, waiting in the wings like I have in the past, instead of flying forward, soaring as an eagle. The cards were right.

These intermittent lapses are too destructive to ignore: pinning my hopes on an ideal is pinning them on a ghost. Reality is right here, right now, and she is elsewhere. That is all I know, and all that matters. Everything else is mere interpretation, perception.

It is time now to seek the beauty in me that I sought in her. Everything I credited her with is right here, right now, but I just haven’t given myself the opportunity to know it. I am beautiful, I am great, I am perfection, and I need to know this before I start to fly. It will lift the weight of gravity from my shoulders and instil me with a lightness that can only soar.

And I will have all the love I could ever want because it will grow as I do. I have too much light to spread on the world to be standing in another’s shadows. This is a special moment, for it represents my newest love: myself. I am beautiful, and I will know it. And I promise to remain loyal forever more.


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