Keep it simple, silly

Thursday, March 17, 2005

Compromise. Where these travels were going to end. Where I am now. What am I compromising? What is it I want to gain here? Money, of course. With nothing left I feel I need to earn some. Is this compromise? I was believing it was an opportunity to experience prosperity. I was thinking it was an opportunity to help, to fulfill a part of my purpose. I thought it was time to start walking on my own two feet, to support myself. I thought this is where I was supposed to right now.

And now I‘m not so sure, not so sure of anything. I am back in the mystery, and that is good. I know so little, and that is good. And I am confused, and that is confusing. Things are manifesting in me that I thought I had confronted and left behind, I am finding that I am fallible and human all over again and not nearly as humble as I thought. The humility will come if this situation prevails, of that I can be fairly sure. But what is this situation? Where am I right now and what am I supposed to do about it? I’m supposed to do something, is that true? How could I know? So many questions, where have they all come from?

Today a bunch of people in LA are going hungry and I’m wishing I was one of them. Life is simple there, complications are erased with some simple inquiry. And here I am, sitting on a comfortable bed, looking out a window to a sunny day ahead and instead of God I am hearing voices demanding answers. What is this? Where did it all come from? The reality is beautiful and the mind is struggling.

The blissful ignorance has left me for torment and pain. Is this what I want? Is this the illusion I would choose? When and why did The Work stop doing me? Was this inevitable? Why was I the last to know?

I need clients just to bring it all back to me, just to share what we all know. It ends with compromise, and where does the next step begin?



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