I have noticed that when there is no thought of competition (separation), everything goes so smoothly and I am successful. The moment I acknowledge that competition exists, everything falls apart around me – tumbling dice, a falling tower – and all of a sudden there are so many people better than me and I don’t stand a chance. Ah, separation. Give it acknowledgement and it will appear to exist. Give it no credence and it just fades away, to dust.
I love it. Such a fun game when it looks like a game, and so fun to watch from another level when it doesn’t. Always fun, only there seem to be so many times when it doesn’t feel at all like it.
And that is where I am a contradiction. There is the self that knows it to be what it is and can just watch it. That’s all it knows: this is this now. And then there’s the one that thinks he knows so much else, and he suffers. Every time I think I get it: contraction on the way; every time I think I know what it’s all about: ouch; every time I know nothing and am open to anything: success, joy, peace!
Which would I choose? The answer is obvious: much of the time I choose the former (when I think I have a choice, this is what I do), and some of the time the latter chooses me (that is what happens in choiceless awareness).
So yeah: I would choose the former, while the latter would choose me.
I guess it’s that simple.