No decision

If I make no decisions by myself, this is the day I will have. (ACIM Chapter 30) It is a picture of perfect peace. So what are the decisions? Every time I think I have a choice; every time I think I know how things should be; every time I make a judgment - each of these are decisions. When I think I know how someone else should be different, or a situation – that’s a decision. It seems every waking moment I make them: which word to write, how to spell it, when to get up, when to put one foot in front of the other and walk. Each and every one of these is a decision, and it is my job to stop making them by myself; to let God in and listen – hear Him.

There, I said it.

Yesterday I was walking along realising how there is no escaping my thoughts. However fast I run from them, however hard I fight them, they just keep at me, relentless. Like Katie says, my job is to meet them with understanding and then they let go of me. Trying to let go of them is hopeless. Trying to ‘do’ anything (as me) is hopeless. Today I make no decisions by myself. There is nothing to do but watch and wait and listen and act on the simple directions; nothing to do but ask for guidance every single step of the way.

It’s easy to make that resolution now, more difficult – much more difficult – to live by. The moment the world around me speeds up, my thoughts have a field day and all this gets forgotten in the snap of a synapse. Goodbye heaven, hello hell. I have been to both, and still I choose hell.

Still, troubled mind. Be still and watch and ask and don’t take responsibility for what is not yours. And that would be everything.