Need-to-know basis

I’m living on a need-to-know basis, and it turns out I need to know nothing, until I do. And even then I’m never really sure. More like, it looks like I’m doing this now. Last night I thought I knew something and it kept me up half the night, the burden that knowledge is. To know is to be responsible for what I know, and that is so difficult when what I know is in constant flux. There is not a fact that isn’t subject to change. How burdensome to keep track.

It is said the more I know, the less I understand, and I don’t even know if this is true. What is understanding? It seems sometimes I have a grasp on things, and I know the moment I try to dissect it, to define it, to explain it even, that it dissolves before me and I am left ‘knowing’ something and unable to live it. It is gone from my consciousness, and so am I.