Sometimes I forget there is no question. Sometimes, without this understanding, I spend hours upon hours asking them. E said she hopes I find the answer to the universe, and I intuitively thought, ‘There is none.’ How can there be an answer when there is no question? 42.
I could not sit today. Too much noise – in my head and in the house. Everyone but me playing. Me, the sincere guy in the corner, pretending I was doing something important. Taking myself seriously and missing the point. I’m good at that. I hear myself say ‘seriously’ now, and realize how funny I’m being. Still, I continue to do it, continue to be it, and it’s really not a lot of fun. Conditioning may be a part of it. I was raised to be serious, raised to believe in the importance of it all. And even that’s not true. I raised myself to believe in the importance of it all. Now, that’s closer.