Spectator

There is a big difference between being a spectator and a player. On the sidelines there is no pain, no reward and no responsibility. On the sidelines I can see exactly the way things should go and experience the frustration of seeing it go differently. On the field I push myself to my limits and live in the knowledge that I have done my best. I can look at Katie and Eckhardt and others like them and admire them or criticize them or even idolize them, but none of this takes me any closer to their experience – the one thing I actually want. To have their experience, I need to be them. I need to lose every bit of attachment to the world I see and accept that ‘I’ don’t exist. I need to lose every bit of attachment I have to this one, to me. For I am my world, so for this world to leave me, I need to leave me; leave this vessel empty for light to shine through.

Saying goodbye is hard. It reeks of sacrifice, and yet I am losing nothing but a thought: the belief that ‘I’ exist; the idea that I am an individual, separate from all of this.