Okay, so I’m starting to see this: to receive whatever I request really only leaves me two options. If I choose anything on the level of the world, what I am asking for is duality: if I ask for wealth I am also asking for poverty – for they are either side of the same thing; if I ask for success I am also requesting failure; even asking for peace is requesting stress. My other option is to request that it all be taken out of my hands, that I give it all up to let the simple directions lead the way. There are only two choices: the level of the world and surrender.
What would I choose? I have clearly been choosing on the level of the world of late, for stress has been gripping me tightly, wringing me mercilessly, leaving me a crumpled, exhausted mess languishing on the floor. If ever surrender was called for it has been in these moments of hopelessness; and still I fight, kicking and punching feebly at the imagined aggressor in my head.
What has been the source of all this stress? I would tell you it was a computer - an inanimate box! Yes, that’s right, tell your friends that J has allowed himself to crumble at the mercy of a box! It’s hilarious, isn’t it? At least if it was another person I could say they did this to me and that to me, and if you were so inclined you would choose to believe it was possible; you may experience some empathy – oh yes, people have done that to me, too; you may find a place for sympathy in your heart; you may even go and give that person a good dressing down, or at least try and spread a whole bunch of vicious gossip about them on my behalf.
But this is a box. What possible satisfaction can you get from telling people that a box is refusing to cooperate with me? Now, J’s been perfectly reasonable; he’s done everything he can to accommodate that box; he’s fed it updates; sought help to resolve its problems; massaged its keyboard with his fingers – and still, it refuses to do what he asks it! How inconsiderate. How could it ever expect anyone to ever do anything for it ever again? You know, I’ve got a mind to go and tell that box exactly what I think of it!
No, that’s just ridiculous.
I love that the source of my frustration of late has been inanimate. It really helps put things in perspective. My ‘other’ for now can’t even function unless I press a switch; it only ever responds to my input; everything it does is based on predefined programs: oh, the list of metaphors is endless. Its screen is even a projection! I love it. I am just so grateful that such a clear example of the insanity of my projections has been given me.
I was asked recently if a malfunctioning computer was to be my path to freedom, would I take it? Yes please!