Feeling free

“Feel free,” says Jen. And though I sense she is talking about helping myself to her kitchen, it hits me at another level, the level that says, “Yes! I am doing my best and it feels wonderful.” Free of limitation, of expectation, free of my beliefs, my thoughts. Freedom cannot be written into a constitution, it cannot be bought or sold, it isn’t dependent upon external conditions: it is a state of mind. As Katie said, there are freer people doing The Work with her in San Quentin than there were at her intensive on the weekend.

Two days with Katie, taking another look at this mind I would call mine, and I have as good a sense as ever of what freedom must be. It is something like this. It is an openness, a willingness to be wrong, a humility; a beautiful place where you can do no wrong, nor I. It is a place of innocence.

I can have no idea where this weekend will take E or I, and it’s not my business. All I need know is the wonder of this now. For now, the wall is crumbling fast; I am open. I want to be shown where I am wrong, and I want to sit in that space and savour it. I want you – whoever you may be – in your innocence to guide me to peace. I want to experience your wisdom and feel the love that flows through it. I want to be a vessel for truth, nothing more.

So for the moment I am open, vulnerable, and loving it. For the moment all I can find is love. For the moment the innocence of it all shines through and I cannot find a problem in the world. For the moment I live in peace.

We’ll see where it goes! After the School, The Work lived and grew inside me for a very long time. I don’t think it ever died, though at times there its growth was certainly stunted. For months and months the realizations just kept on coming as one idol after another smashed to the ground. This was only two days and I have no expectation. I have nothing at all but this moment, and it is a moment I would give my whole world up for, my entire universe.

Goodbye universe, and thanks for the memories! I love you.