Keep it simple, silly

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Multiple Personality Disorder

It is so easy to get caught up in myself, so easy to believe the stories I would tell. And here this is, just another story. I watch the cycle and the way I hold myself in it, believing just enough to make it seem real, and I laugh. I am amused. I am very funny to watch: so sincere, so serious. Intense, even. And I keep playing my role to perfection, just as everyone around me does, and I see that we all think it’s so important, it all somehow matters, and I know I’m not alone.

Children screaming is what we are. Children screaming that it’s not fair, that everything should go the way we think it should. And we’re really funny, because all the evidence indicates it doesn’t, and still we scream and cry, shake our fists at the sky and demand better treatment. This is a circus and we are the clowns.

I love to watch this tragicomedy. It is so much more fun than being in it. I love the occasional moment of lucidity – the sheer respite of it – where I see me not as me, but as the actor of me. This is the most immersive form of acting, where I take on the role so completely that I actually believe I am the character. This part of me believes it. And as the chameleon that I truly am, that part of me believes I am Y, that part believes I am L, that part believes I am E, that part believes I am you, etcetera. A part for every part of me if I so choose, and I am infinite.

I am so impressed with my ability to be so much at once so convincingly. Multiple Personality Disorder is much more widespread than previously thought – it is the condition of the universe.

1 Comments:

Blogger suze said...

I love this post Jamie. I love your honesty. I find myself doing the same sometimes, like I view myself either the way other people view me or the way i am portraying myself at that point. And it's fascinating. Sometimes too, when I am angry or sad or frustrated I have the clarity that the way I am feeling is a choice and I can just choose to feel differently. I don't always manage to change how I'm feeling but it helps to know that I can. I love this photo too, much nicer, softer. You're such a gentle man, even though I see you trying sometimes to be a hard man. :-)

11:15 pm, May 24, 2006

 

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