Keep it simple, silly

Monday, May 29, 2006

Sick of it

I’m sick of feeling like this. Some days it seems I’m overwhelmed, overtaxed. The lightness that found me seems at these times to be a distant glimmer almost beyond the horizon, and the desire for that lightness to return just pushes it further away.

I’m sick of it; sick of it all seeming so important, sick of burdening my mind with supposed difficulty.

Why do I do this? Why do I weigh myself down? Of what benefit could this be? The only benefit I can find is this: to come to the point where I’m sick of it. For once this becomes self-evident, once I genuinely have had enough, the tools will surely avail themselves to me to find that place of release I knew so well not all that long ago.

In the past I would have blamed my situation – the external – but I refuse to fall for that diversion this time. I am living my dream and refuse to sabotage it again. This time I push through until there is nothing left to push. Every seeming obstacle, every seeming burden is but another gift, another image to dispel.

I am sick of the sabotage, sick of the attempts to self-destruct. No more, no more shall I get in the way. No more shall I interfere with the happy dream that awaits. Into the light! Don’t be afeared.


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