Keep it simple, silly

Saturday, June 10, 2006

Break a leg

The clock flashes, my skin itches, my nose blocks and all is well. The sky is grey, the trees wave softly in the breeze, and E cooks up a delicious smell in the kitchen. Saturday morning, Virginia time.

My realization yesterday seemed to be all I needed to float free from the thoughts that were drowning me. Knowing versus understanding. Knowing is so overrated. I notice that when I think I know how things should be, I suffer, and still I continue to try it. This is the unwinnable war with reality that Katie talks about. I fight it all the time, I lose, and I get up and fight it again. And I continue to wonder why I get upset. War will have that effect.

And I love that understanding comes from not knowing. It looks a little like this: when I don’t know how things should be I have an understanding that everything is just the way it should be. And that is impossible to understand when I think I know what my world should look like – then the judgements come flooding in and colour every single point of my perspective.

I love the flow of the cycles; I love that I can be party to it; I love that I play my role so convincingly that even I believe it most of the time. I always wanted to be an actor as a kid; it just took me this long to see how successful I have been in my career choice.


Anonymous mum said...

Do you really KNOW you're being an actor? If you do, wonderful... I kind of know it theoretically but only get the rare and fleeting feel that it IS true...
And yes, when I remember I don't know how it should be, that is way more peaceful, thanks for reminding me.

12:54 am, June 12, 2006

Blogger Jamie said...

Do I really KNOW I'm being an actor? Only when I do!

3:12 pm, June 12, 2006


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