June already! Seven months I’ve been here, ten months since I met E, and here comes summer. Another summer. So many cycles, so many times around and around, like a washing machine. By gee, I hope this is the rinse cycle! I’ve certainly been through the wash.
I threw myself in for I thought I was soiled and needed cleaning, and now I’m starting to see that maybe I didn’t; maybe I was already as clean as could be, maybe only my thoughts coloured the cloth.
But it is ultimately all thought – all mind – so even if I was pristine, still my thoughts kept me from that realization. Like a dung pile covering a wedding dress in a box: the dress remains perfect, but getting to it is dirty business.
But why would I put dung in a washing machine? No amount of washing will stop it from being dung. No amount of cleansing will alter my thoughts. But I am the wedding dress and my thoughts are but the dung.
What I need is a shovel!