A year ago today

A year ago today I was wearing all white and a turban, sitting in a large outdoor shed, staring in a woman’s eyes, holding a pose and repeating a mantra – along with over a thousand others. White Tantric Yoga, Kundalini style. A year ago today I was taking cold showers and was less than 40 days away from meeting E. A year ago today I was in the desert mountains of New Mexico. A year ago today I didn’t know it, but I was about to travel through 15 states in two weeks.

A year ago today I was well along the path that led me to this. And I had absolutely no idea. What path am I on now? Where is this leading? This morning, instead of staring into a woman’s eyes I was staring at a wall, attempting to form a cone within a square. This is hard work too, though not as taxing as the Kundalini Yoga event. So where is it leading? Soon, E and I will most likely be married. Where is that leading?

I find that one of my issues about settling down is that life becomes predictable, but it ain’t necessarily so. I look at where my mind has traveled, at where life has taken me, since I returned here in November, and I don’t know that any of it was predictable. The only thing that appears the same is four people living in a house together, and no element of any of that has remained the same either.

It seems the obvious isn’t quite so evident when I look at it closely. The obvious turns out to be only the apparent, and the evident becomes transparent. The mystery may be inescapable, after all.