Fortress of hypocrisy
I am a hypocrite. I espouse The Work, but when I’m most in need of it I shy away from it. I have been absorbed in A Course in Miracles, but I do not live it. I expect to be understood, yet understand nothing myself. I see that atrocities are being committed and do nothing about it. I surround myself with forgiveness opportunities and pile them into a wall, lock myself in an unforgiving fortress.
This is the crux of my hypocrisy: my unwillingness to forgive. When I look closely I see that I have forgiven nobody. And this makes sense, because in essence forgiveness is an all or nothing thing. Forgiveness is not saying that you did me wrong but I’ll let you off. Forgiveness is acknowledging that what I thought happened didn’t. It is the great undoing.
There is a fortress wall three feet thick that needs undoing. It is obstructing my view so that all I see is the wall. Beyond the wall freedom lies.
Today I watch the wall crumble as I unwrap the fabric of the stories that enfold each unforgiving brick and see that behind the story is nothing. I can pop these bricks like balloons!
Tumble down, my fortress. Tumble down.