Reclaiming light

The only time I’ve been to church in this country was on the first Sunday of 2005 – just after attending the Cleanse, and just before venturing into Mexico. At that church that day they celebrated White Stone Sunday. White Stone Sunday dated back to Roman times when freed slaves were given a white stone to identify them as being freed – which was necessary because to identify them as slaves in the first place they would cut off your nose or ear or poke out an eye or something like that.

I’ve still got most of my body parts, but that hasn’t stopped me being a slave to my beliefs – an experience I have found more dismembering than any physical intervention could hope to be.

So at this church we were each given a white stone and a marker pen, and asked to sit for a few moments to see what came up as our word for the year. I sat, and the first thing that came was ‘Let the light shine through.’ So my word for 2005 was ‘light’.

I’ve continued this practice these past couple of years, and it’s been interesting to notice how much one word can affect me. Last year the word was ‘home’. I had just moved here from Australia to live with E, who was building the solid cob house we now live in. Prior to meeting E, I had been working through what I saw as ungroundedness, and ‘home’ seemed like the most grounding thing I could experience.

This year, I found the word ‘patience’. I was working through a lot of personal things, and there was a faint glimmer that appeared to be the light at the end of the tunnel. It seemed at the time that I just needed to be patient.

Notice that it was the glimmer of ‘light’ I was being patient about. Patience can’t exist without a story of a future – the light has been there all along, just as it was in ’05. Similarly, ‘home’ carries a heavy burden of a story of a future: this is where I live now; this is what defines me. Whenever something isn’t perfect about ‘home’, I find I suffer because I carry that imperfection far into the future and experience all of it before it ever happens. Home is heavy.

So today I am reclaiming ‘light’. Light is easy, light is fun, light is peaceful, and light is my inheritance. Why wait? Now is all I have anyway, so what is there to be patient for? Home is where the heart is, and my heart has never left me. So what’s the big deal about home?

Light is mine, and through light I serve more than I possibly could any other way.

It is time to shine.